please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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