is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
