You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
