My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
