Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
