We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
