I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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