I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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