i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize