apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
