my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
