Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
