went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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