Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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