just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
