grandma shit on top of the toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
