I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
