How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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