...so i touched it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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