sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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