fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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