Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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