well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i need an iv and a liver transplant
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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