Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
