So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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