If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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