working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
