C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
