Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
