You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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