Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
