I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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