I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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