dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
