i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
