Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize