I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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