The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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