It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
