My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
