Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
