Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
