There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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