New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
