We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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