Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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