I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize