i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
