I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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