I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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