JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
