He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
