There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
