Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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