He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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