He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
40s are totally the cure
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
