OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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