The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
