1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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