I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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