I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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