College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
