my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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