i think my mom watched the whole time
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
