You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
