They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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